Missives from the Frontal Lobe

Stupidity from the Department of Health and Human Services .

ORDER OF THE SCIENCE SCOUTS OF EXEMPLARY REPUTE AND ABOVE AVERAGE PHYSIQUE

The “talking science” badge.
Required for all members. Assumes the recipient conducts himself/herself in such a manner as to talk science whenever he/she gets the chance. Not easily fazed by looks of disinterest from friends or the act of “zoning out” by well intentioned loved ones. (DN)

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The “MacGyver” badge.
In which the recipient has demonstrated that his/her science communciation prowess was handy in simplifying a potentially challenging scenario. For example, was able to escape from unjustified prison term, with the clever use of a paper clip and WD-40. You know, that kind of thing. (Note that display of badge must be accompanied by explanation). (JN)

The “I blog about science” badge.
In which the recipient maintains a blog where at least a quarter of the material is about science. Suffice to say, this does not include scientology.

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The “I’m pretty confident around an open flame” badge.
Recipients have demonstrated proficiency around open flames in laboratory settings.

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The “destroyer of quackery” badge.
In which the recipient never ever backs down from an argument that pits sound science over quackery.

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The “I may look like a scientist but I’m actually also a ninja” badge.
Lethal when in combination with the “destroyer of quackery” badge. (AC)

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The “I can be a prick when it comes to science” badge.
In which the recipient can be so passionate about things of a scientific nature, that he/she may appear surly, rude, and/or unpleasant.

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The “will glady kick sexual harasser’s ass” badge.
(And we mean “ass” in the most holistic of ways). In which the recipient stands up to such miscreants in the work place. Places of science should know better. (SF)

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The “has frozen stuff just to see what happens” badge (LEVEL I)
In which the recipient has frozen something in the freezer for the sake of scientific curiosity. (JL)

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The “has frozen stuff just to see what happens” badge (LEVEL III)
In which the recipient has frozen something in liquid nitrogen for the sake of scientific curiosity. (JL)

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The “pharma shill” badge.
Medicine works, people. (SB)

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The “I know what a tadpole is” badge.
In which the recipient knows what a tadpole is.

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The “I’m a scientist who is fundamentally opposed to administrative duties” badge.
Presumably a badge with a consensus even stronger than that seen in the global warming arena.

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The “experienced with electrical shock” badge (LEVEL III)
In which the recipient has had experience with the electrical shocking of himself/herself. (JL)

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The “totally digs highly exothermic reactions” badge.
Might be best to keep an eye on such recipients. (JM)

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The “I’m into telescopes astro” badge (LEVEL I)
In which the recipient has used a telescope to view celestial objects. (SS)

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The “statistical linear regression” badge.
We figured that if you actually know what those three words together mean, then you deserve a badge. Statistics rock! (NG)

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The “I’ve set fire to stuff” badge (LEVEL I).
In which the recipient has set fire to stuff, all in the name of general scientific curiosity. (AB)

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The “I’ve set fire to stuff” badge (LEVEL II).
In which the recipient has set fire to stuff, while fully aware of all combustion principles at play. (AB)

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The “I’ve set fire to stuff” badge (LEVEL III).
In which the recipient has set fire to stuff, while fully aware of all thermodynamic principles at play. (AB)

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The “works with acids” badge.
In which the recipient has worked with acids. (L)

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Missives from the Frontal Lobe

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

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ORDER OF THE SCIENCE SCOUTS OF EXEMPLARY REPUTE AND ABOVE AVERAGE PHYSIQUE

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